After Surgery
The Doctors finally came out with good news. They had managed to restore blood flow and he had blood circulation all the way to his fingertips. Some of the nerves had survived too. As long a they avoided any infection, that would mean they had probably saved his arm. But, there was one more hurdle to pass before they could be sure. The bones in his upper arm had been shattered and would have to be rebuilt. For that surgery, Marion recommended a Doctor in Columbus. He would have to be moved again. Not right away though. My Neurosurgeon wanted to keep him a couple days to be sure his surgery was stable and allow him to regain some strength before the move. The bones could wait that long.
It was late and the Dr. didn't recommend we wait that night to see him. Which was fine with Mom and me. Bear tells me he can't remember much about that evening either. He believes it was FlyRod who reached him with the news about the accident and where we were. Which makes sense. A Chief of Police would have known, even though it was handled by the Sheriff's department.
When I returned, alone and against Moms wishes, to the hospital early the next morning, I discovered W had also undergone a tracheotomy. I don't remember why. I'm not sure I asked all the questions a loving wife would have. My mind was numb and I seemed to be on Auto-pilot. If I asked the right questions, I've forgotten the answers now. I do remember being relieved that he couldn't talk to me. But, I also remember his eyes following me every minute I was in his room The expression was pleading and it was tearing me up. How can it be possible to feel such strong pity, hate and yes, even love all at the same time? I couldn't have been acting anything like normal, even for the circumstances. Whatever normal is under those conditions. Those nurses had to know something wasn't right. There was at least one nurse in the room constantly. Maybe we were in Intensive Care, though I'm not even sure of that.
I stayed all day. Late that day, his sister showed up. She had flown in from Oklahoma and was staying with their Father in Knox County. (Who, by the way, never did visit his son in either hospital.) She and I never did get along. This is the same woman who, at her Mothers house on the day of her Mothers funeral, laughed at me and made fun of me because I was trying to do things the way her Mother would have done them in her Mothers kitchen. I answered the questions she asked, giving his accident version. But I avoided telling her I that I'd told W I was leaving him. Our conversation was done outside his room, so she had no idea of what his eyes were telling her, when we went back in the room. He hadn't been writing either. He was so weak and he was hooked up to too many tubes. I only wanted to avoid a confrontation with her. She was a spoiled, selfish, vulger, brat....but she adored her brother, as much as she was capable. I made arrangements with her to take turns staying so that someone would be with him all the time. I agreed to be there in the morning and she would stay in the afternoon. We were going to trade evenings. I went back to my parents house and left her with him. They took the trach. out that evening while she was with him. I can only imagine what he told her.
When I went in the next morning I wasn't aware that he was now able to talk. I walked in his room, and he started right in on me. Telling me I had to take care of him. Begging for sympathy, then demanding and then begging again. Saying everything in front of the nurses. That was my meltdown.
I remember leaving the room, but only getting as far as the hall. I remember leaning on the wall outside his door and crying. I also remember how I slid down the wall and collapsed in a curled up ball and cried without any hope of ever stopping. Two nurses gathered me up and took me to some room. I don't remember much after that. Dad came in to get me and took me home and they must have given me something. I slept. The last thing I remember is Dad's effort to suppress anger. I was too groggy to know who he was mad at.
It was late and the Dr. didn't recommend we wait that night to see him. Which was fine with Mom and me. Bear tells me he can't remember much about that evening either. He believes it was FlyRod who reached him with the news about the accident and where we were. Which makes sense. A Chief of Police would have known, even though it was handled by the Sheriff's department.
When I returned, alone and against Moms wishes, to the hospital early the next morning, I discovered W had also undergone a tracheotomy. I don't remember why. I'm not sure I asked all the questions a loving wife would have. My mind was numb and I seemed to be on Auto-pilot. If I asked the right questions, I've forgotten the answers now. I do remember being relieved that he couldn't talk to me. But, I also remember his eyes following me every minute I was in his room The expression was pleading and it was tearing me up. How can it be possible to feel such strong pity, hate and yes, even love all at the same time? I couldn't have been acting anything like normal, even for the circumstances. Whatever normal is under those conditions. Those nurses had to know something wasn't right. There was at least one nurse in the room constantly. Maybe we were in Intensive Care, though I'm not even sure of that.
I stayed all day. Late that day, his sister showed up. She had flown in from Oklahoma and was staying with their Father in Knox County. (Who, by the way, never did visit his son in either hospital.) She and I never did get along. This is the same woman who, at her Mothers house on the day of her Mothers funeral, laughed at me and made fun of me because I was trying to do things the way her Mother would have done them in her Mothers kitchen. I answered the questions she asked, giving his accident version. But I avoided telling her I that I'd told W I was leaving him. Our conversation was done outside his room, so she had no idea of what his eyes were telling her, when we went back in the room. He hadn't been writing either. He was so weak and he was hooked up to too many tubes. I only wanted to avoid a confrontation with her. She was a spoiled, selfish, vulger, brat....but she adored her brother, as much as she was capable. I made arrangements with her to take turns staying so that someone would be with him all the time. I agreed to be there in the morning and she would stay in the afternoon. We were going to trade evenings. I went back to my parents house and left her with him. They took the trach. out that evening while she was with him. I can only imagine what he told her.
When I went in the next morning I wasn't aware that he was now able to talk. I walked in his room, and he started right in on me. Telling me I had to take care of him. Begging for sympathy, then demanding and then begging again. Saying everything in front of the nurses. That was my meltdown.
I remember leaving the room, but only getting as far as the hall. I remember leaning on the wall outside his door and crying. I also remember how I slid down the wall and collapsed in a curled up ball and cried without any hope of ever stopping. Two nurses gathered me up and took me to some room. I don't remember much after that. Dad came in to get me and took me home and they must have given me something. I slept. The last thing I remember is Dad's effort to suppress anger. I was too groggy to know who he was mad at.
posted by LeeAnn | 3:21 PM
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