Betrayed

I still have to describe what it was like for me when word got out that I left my husband when he needed me most. I set myself up to be the bad guy. I was the woman who took his son and moved in with another man while he was in the Hospital after that terrible accident. People I didn't even know were saying awful things to me. These people didn't have any of the true facts, but they sure were free with their opinions. I'd never had any trouble getting along with people, but now I was facing hate everywhere I went. At work, on the street, everywhere.

The Thursday Womens bowling league that I had belonged to since I first came to Mt. Vernon, met me as a group and told me they didn't want me in the league. Turn over the Treasurer books and leave.

B.G. and G.G. also told me not to bother bringing my "new partner", because they didn't want me on their team on Sunday night anymore. (This was before they walked in my moccasins) I'd been Seretary of that league for 10 years, but no one stood up for me. People either turned away from me when I ran into them, or they yelled horrid things at me. I even had to stop talking on the CB. Most of the group at the diner were ok, and it was their support that kept me going. A few stopped joining us, but the others told me we didn't need them. It was true, the old saying about learning who your friends are in times of trouble. I was losing most of mine. I shouldn't have been surprised....but I was.

There was an even bigger surprise. I discovered that FLF had betrayed me in the worst possible way. I never saw that coming. FLF started a rumor that I had shot W. A woman started yelling at me in the grocery store that I should be in jail. Because FLF had told her how I got away with shooting my husband. FLF, who was as close to a sister as I've ever had in this town. I was shocked. She kept yelling at me and a croud was collecting. Then I got angry. I spoke quietly and one word at a time. It was the only way I could stay in control. She had to shut up to hear me. I told her I was a better shot then that. Especially with a deer rifle at close range. If I had really shot my husband, he would be dead and I would be in jail. Then I left the store, and made it to my car too; before I cried.

I'm proud now that I was able to keep my head up and I survived. But I didn't survive unchanged. I don't trust people like I use to. I don't confide as easily as I did to friends. I've been told by co-workers when I move to a new account, that I'm awful hard to get to know. The only close friends I truely trust now are the women who've been my friends since we were in school. And we are scattered all over the state, so I don't see them often. Thank goodness now for e-mail and phones. It's ever so much easier. I am a very different person now. Much more serious and not as easy to laugh. (Except with those school friends. I can feel like my old self with them.) I'm proud that I'm not a bitter person though. Cautious, but not bitter. And, nothing in my life has shaken my Religious Faith. When I was a child and someone let me down or teased me to tears, Mom would tell me, "No matter what, you don't lower yourself to their level." Those have been good words to live by.