My Friend Jan

I met Jan on the O.S.U. campus during that week we represented our schools in a special state wide concert. I think this concert was replaced by what is now known as The All Ohio State Choir and The All Ohio State Band. When we went in 1961, it was a week spent in dorms on campus with lessons and practices followed by a large concert.

Jan was starting her Senior year in northern Ohio right on Lake Erie. I was only a Sophomore. I was a little surprised when we found more in common than our not wanting to go to the dances and social events that went with the weeks activities. We were both going steady with boys back home and didn't think we should be dancing and meeting more boys.

Jan was tall, almost 6' and had a models thin figure. She was also as beautiful as a model. With delicate features and perfect hair. She came from an average sized town on Lake Erie. She told me about her life and I talked about mine. They were very different lives. She was an only child and grew up with summers on the lake and clam bakes and beach parties.

We kept in touch after that week by mail and a few phone calls. We both like to write and there were lots of letters. Telling each other things we couldn't say to our friends. When Jan graduated, she got a job and an apartment in Toledo. She wanted me to come up and stay with her for a weekend. Mom hadn't met her and said she would have to come visit us first, so my parents could meet her. It was the summer before my Junior year. Jan came to stay with us and it didn't take my folks long to see what a sweet person she was.

After she left, Mom did ask me something that bothered me for a long time. I still don't know what she meant. Mom asked me if there was something wrong with Jan's health. Not that I knew of. Jan didn't always eat right and she was sometimes anemic. Sometimes she complained of having no energy. I thought Mom was just refering to Jan's thinness. But, Mom said something strange. She said there was "a shadow in Jan's eyes". As far as I knew there wasn't anything wrong and I let it go.

The first weekend I stayed with Jan in her apartment, we didn't even go out. We just had so much to talk about. I did try, in indirect ways, to get Jan to talk about her health. But, if anything was known, she didn't let on. In one of those odd coincidences that happen occasionally, we were talking about different religions. Jan was raised Catholic and I was Methodist, and we were trying to decide what other Church we could go to Sunday morning that would give us a new experience. There was a knock on her door and we discovered two college men trying to earn some extra money by selling Family Bibles. They didn't sell very many more that evening. Jan invited them in and the four of us spent a couple hours discussing the differences in religious beliefs. (I'm pretty sure this was before I met Dad's Jewish friends) I had done a research paper on the subject in school, so I was able to keep up with the conversation. The subject of my still being in high school never happened to come up. Jan told where she worked and that I was her friend and that was it. The four of us agreed to meet at a Salvation Army Service on Sunday morning. It was the only service none of us had ever attended. (It was also the last time I ever went to one of their services. They passed us a money plate SIX times.) After the service, they took us out to eat and then they took me to the bus station. That was my first weekend in Toledo with Jan. She continued to see one of those fellows for awhile, but it didn't last long. Jan was always being asked out and she dated a lot. But, none of them ever lasted long. She would write to me that they just weren't what she wanted, but she didn't know what she did want.

We spent quite a few weekends together. We loved going to the Toledo Museum and to the galleries around Toledo. And, every Sunday morning we went to a different church. When she came to the farm, she loved helping with chores. She liked to brush Gypsy, but I never got her to ride. That scared her. She grew quite fond of my habit of hiding in the haymow and talking for hours. She came to visit when I sang in Carousel. I was dating G.B. then and he brought along a friend for Jan. It was the only time we actually double dated.

Once I'd met Dad's Jewish friends and was also going up to visit them, I had to bring them and Jan together. After all they all lived in Toledo. They sort of adopted Jan and she was with them even when I wasn't there. She was thrilled at the chance to learn more of their religion. Jan didn't ever "preach" to anyone. Her sweet soul said it all. She was such a peaceful person to be around. We wrote so many letters back and forth and told each other everything. I never had a sister, but I've been lucky enough to have several friends who were better than sisters.

When I graduated and got a job, it was harder to find time, and money, for the bus trips to Toledo. We managed a few. I had an apartment too, right after graduation. Then G.B. and I were engaged, but not planning to marry till he got out of the Army. But, he got his orders to go to Germany for two years. He told me we could get married now, so I could go with him to Germany, or the wedding was off. He didn't want to go away for two years while he was engaged. So, I suddenly got married, (Jan was there) and went to Germany. But, first Gary and I spent another weekend with Jan in Toledo. It was the last time I ever saw her.

We continued to write several times a week. I arrived in Germany the first week in March. The following Christmas, her letters suddenly stopped. I kept writing. Asking what was wrong. Worrying. I didn't hear anything and I was so far away. I wrote Mom to see if she could find Jan's parents address. I didn't have it in Germany. I knew something awful had happened. Jan would not have stopped writing if she could write. I kept sending letters anyway. It was May before I got a letter from Jan's Mother. All of my letters had been forwarded to her. She apologised, she couldn't bring herself to write sooner. Jan and an old boyfriend had gone to a year round drive in theater during the Christmas holidays. Instead of renting the heater the theater had available, they left the car running. They had both died of carbon monoxide poisoning. So far away.