A Serious Crush
Do you remember your first real crush? (Betcha do!) The one that catches you by surprise because the feelings are all so new and confusing. If you are lucky, he is just as confused about you. Then no matter how you try to hide it, everyone notices. All the other kids in the class love to tease you both. Those big people put that awful name on it. Puppy Love. Have they really forgotten how embarrassing that is? Or, don't they care? And, when it's a one sided crush.....that must be THE mostest, worstest, cruelest thing fate can hand you.
I was lucky. He liked me too. His name was M.D. (Really) He was one of the popular boys in 6th grade and I sorta liked him then. But, something happened in 7th grade. I seemed to be thinking of him all the time. And, most amazingly, he was ignoring the other girls and only teasing me. Remember......boys that age......they show attention by teasing. It embarrassed me, but he seemed to enjoy drawing attention to us. Even in class. He would wink at me openly, and then he would do or say somthing to make me turn red. I was very good at turning red. Sometimes I could feel it start at my neck and go all the way to the roots of my hair. Other times, it seemed to start at those same roots and go all the way to my toes. Then M would blow me a kiss and mouth the word, "Sorry". The class loved it, and I would even catch the teacher sometimes trying to hide a smile.
Like the day M, who was sitting in the next desk on my left, (in the front row) acted like his ink pen had run out of ink. He shook it a few times, then asked me in a whisper if I had a spare pen. He wasn't drawing attention to us and seemed sincere. I gave him my extra pen. A little while later, when our teacher was changing subjects and there was a general rustling in class, he offered my pen back. I reached for it, but he had unscrewed it in the middle and I only got one end of it. I'm holding one end and he has the other. But, he won't give me his end or take mine. He wants to hold his end while I put my end back on. So, I reach across to slide it over the ink tube, but he moves it just enough to make me miss. I try again. He is giving me that beautiful smile that simply won't let me be annoyed with him. Besides, it was kinda funny and kinda fun too. Except that the class has stopped rustling, and we are now the center of attention......again. The teacher waits for me to try to re-connect my pen a third time, without success. Everyone is laughing now, and being a Teacher, she must regain control of her class. I will remember all of my life what her choice of punishment was for disrupting class. Actually it was the same thing she always did. She sent me and M to the fire escape. One of those enclosed concrete stairwells that lead outside in old brick buildings. Both of us. Together. Alone. M let out an indian type "Yippee" of joy. And I died. I think that was when the teacher realized what she'd done. I mean, sending kids to the cold dark fire escape was her usual punishment. But, this was the first time two students had gone together. She usually left a student out there for 10 minutes. We were called back in almost immediately. Wish I could say I got a kiss in the fire escape. Or, tell you to use your own imagination. Actually, M was a gentleman once we were alone. I learned he was "all show and no go." Once alone with me, he seemed as embarrassed as I was. That made him seem more real, and I liked him better for it. We talked about something forgotten, and before we could relax, we were returned to the classroom. When we were called back in, he held the door open and bowed me on ahead to enter first. The boys were snickering and the girls were grinning. We ignored everyone and took our seats. And, neither one of us would say a word about what had happened in the concrete stairwell when the others gathered around at recess. We just smiled. It was the first secret I ever shared with a boy.
M was such a happy guy. He was a born leader too. He organized us to surprise a favorite teacher with a party on her birthday. He got permission to use an empty room down in the basement. Some of us decorated it during a recess and then at lunch he got her to the basement on some pretext. She really was surprised. Mostly, I remember how he loved to come up with new ways to say, "That's the way the cookie crumbles." He never repeated anything. It would turn into "mop flops", "balloon pops", "grass grows", "tire leaks", "water wets." He could take an old saying and play with the words. Everything had to be original, and his mind was so quick with it. I was challenged to keep up with him, but it was so much fun. Yup, everyone liked M and I was the lucky one M liked. It was a glorious year.
That ended suddenly, before the year was really over. M was part of a large family who lived in a rented home on a farm owned by our neighbor. The house caught fire, and Thank God, everyone made it out ok. But, the house was destroyed. The family had to quickly find a new home. And, they didn't find one in our school district. In fact, they didn't even stay in Marion County. It was sudden and it was absolute. And, I was devistated.
We were only in the 7th grade. I'm sure it would have ended anyway, sooner or later. It would have been nice though, to see where it took me. That seemed such an unfair way to loose my first real crush. Even though we were so young, and never really dated, he really was my first real boyfriend. I can still think of him with a smile and affection.
Is that really what "puppy love" is? Not so much the who....but the feeling. The memory of how it felt. The first real connection with another person who makes you feel good about yourself. The silly, but meaningful secret you first share with the oposit sex. The very first time you start to wonder how it will be when you have someone outside your family to wonder about the future with. Surely, no matter how long it lasted, or how it ended, that first serious crush is forever important. It changes us. It's the one we don't want to forget, and can always wonder, "What if..."
God Be With You M, where ever you are.
I was lucky. He liked me too. His name was M.D. (Really) He was one of the popular boys in 6th grade and I sorta liked him then. But, something happened in 7th grade. I seemed to be thinking of him all the time. And, most amazingly, he was ignoring the other girls and only teasing me. Remember......boys that age......they show attention by teasing. It embarrassed me, but he seemed to enjoy drawing attention to us. Even in class. He would wink at me openly, and then he would do or say somthing to make me turn red. I was very good at turning red. Sometimes I could feel it start at my neck and go all the way to the roots of my hair. Other times, it seemed to start at those same roots and go all the way to my toes. Then M would blow me a kiss and mouth the word, "Sorry". The class loved it, and I would even catch the teacher sometimes trying to hide a smile.
Like the day M, who was sitting in the next desk on my left, (in the front row) acted like his ink pen had run out of ink. He shook it a few times, then asked me in a whisper if I had a spare pen. He wasn't drawing attention to us and seemed sincere. I gave him my extra pen. A little while later, when our teacher was changing subjects and there was a general rustling in class, he offered my pen back. I reached for it, but he had unscrewed it in the middle and I only got one end of it. I'm holding one end and he has the other. But, he won't give me his end or take mine. He wants to hold his end while I put my end back on. So, I reach across to slide it over the ink tube, but he moves it just enough to make me miss. I try again. He is giving me that beautiful smile that simply won't let me be annoyed with him. Besides, it was kinda funny and kinda fun too. Except that the class has stopped rustling, and we are now the center of attention......again. The teacher waits for me to try to re-connect my pen a third time, without success. Everyone is laughing now, and being a Teacher, she must regain control of her class. I will remember all of my life what her choice of punishment was for disrupting class. Actually it was the same thing she always did. She sent me and M to the fire escape. One of those enclosed concrete stairwells that lead outside in old brick buildings. Both of us. Together. Alone. M let out an indian type "Yippee" of joy. And I died. I think that was when the teacher realized what she'd done. I mean, sending kids to the cold dark fire escape was her usual punishment. But, this was the first time two students had gone together. She usually left a student out there for 10 minutes. We were called back in almost immediately. Wish I could say I got a kiss in the fire escape. Or, tell you to use your own imagination. Actually, M was a gentleman once we were alone. I learned he was "all show and no go." Once alone with me, he seemed as embarrassed as I was. That made him seem more real, and I liked him better for it. We talked about something forgotten, and before we could relax, we were returned to the classroom. When we were called back in, he held the door open and bowed me on ahead to enter first. The boys were snickering and the girls were grinning. We ignored everyone and took our seats. And, neither one of us would say a word about what had happened in the concrete stairwell when the others gathered around at recess. We just smiled. It was the first secret I ever shared with a boy.
M was such a happy guy. He was a born leader too. He organized us to surprise a favorite teacher with a party on her birthday. He got permission to use an empty room down in the basement. Some of us decorated it during a recess and then at lunch he got her to the basement on some pretext. She really was surprised. Mostly, I remember how he loved to come up with new ways to say, "That's the way the cookie crumbles." He never repeated anything. It would turn into "mop flops", "balloon pops", "grass grows", "tire leaks", "water wets." He could take an old saying and play with the words. Everything had to be original, and his mind was so quick with it. I was challenged to keep up with him, but it was so much fun. Yup, everyone liked M and I was the lucky one M liked. It was a glorious year.
That ended suddenly, before the year was really over. M was part of a large family who lived in a rented home on a farm owned by our neighbor. The house caught fire, and Thank God, everyone made it out ok. But, the house was destroyed. The family had to quickly find a new home. And, they didn't find one in our school district. In fact, they didn't even stay in Marion County. It was sudden and it was absolute. And, I was devistated.
We were only in the 7th grade. I'm sure it would have ended anyway, sooner or later. It would have been nice though, to see where it took me. That seemed such an unfair way to loose my first real crush. Even though we were so young, and never really dated, he really was my first real boyfriend. I can still think of him with a smile and affection.
Is that really what "puppy love" is? Not so much the who....but the feeling. The memory of how it felt. The first real connection with another person who makes you feel good about yourself. The silly, but meaningful secret you first share with the oposit sex. The very first time you start to wonder how it will be when you have someone outside your family to wonder about the future with. Surely, no matter how long it lasted, or how it ended, that first serious crush is forever important. It changes us. It's the one we don't want to forget, and can always wonder, "What if..."
God Be With You M, where ever you are.
posted by LeeAnn | 5:01 PM
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