Going Steady
His name was W.R.W. This was not the same W that became by second husband.
I met him at a Basketball Tournament Game my freshman year. Basketball was "THE" sport in our county and our school usually had a great team. I'd gone to the tournament with my parents, but I sat with my classmates. W.R. was sitting in a row above us and started teasing me because I got so excited and when I stood up, I blocked his view.
Back at school, I discovered he was in one of my study halls. I'd never even noticed him before. Now, I'd been told I couldn't date till I was 15, so when he asked me out, I told him why I couldn't go. He wanted to know when I'd be 15 and I told him. April. He did wait and asked me again in mid April. Mom let me accept even though I wasn't actually 15 till the end of April. W.R. was that first date that Mom met with a shotgun and a growling dog.
W.R. was one year ahead of me in school, but he had missed a year of school due to Rheumatic Fever when he was younger. So he was two years older and he had his own car. He was an only child and he was a bit spoiled and a lot moody. I was more outgoing and too willing to accept and forgive.
Those first dates were doubles with my friend, C.S. and her boyfriend J.W. C.S. and I were in 4-H together. (She is the one I was with when I shot G.H. in the shoulder with the pellet gun.) We took our dates to some of the county fairs that summer. The guys both thought fairs meant what we called "the grounds" Where the rides and games and food were. To C.S. and I, the fair was the cattle barns and the show ring. That was unknown territory to them. (Fun, work and a lot cheaper place to hang out than the grounds.) Everything on our farm was new to W.R.. The farm and my rambunctious family must have been part of the initial attraction to this only child. He hung around on our farm as much as he dated me.
C.S. also lived on a farm near the edge of town. Across a pasture from a roller skating rink. Long before we were allowed to date boys, she and I had been getting off the school bus, grabbing our skates from her room and walking to the rink a couple times a week. I can't say that we were talented, but we could skate. So we also took our dates to the rink. Her date, J.W. got pretty good at it. W.R. never did and he was the kind who wouldn't do what he wasn't good at. Then, C.S. dropped out of 4-H soon after the double date skating ended. She had totally discovered boys, (As my Mom would say) and she and I drifted apart. We never fought or anything and we still got together occasionally, but I wasn't comfortable with her on dates anymore.
That was the summer our music teacher chose several of us to represent our school in a state wide concert. We got to live in dorm rooms and study on the O.S.U. campus for a week preparing for the concert. This included both chorus and orchestra. Since we were from a small school (just over 60 in my class) with music in common, the kids that went were all friends. One of my closest friends, C.K.F. was in both band and choir, so she was kept pretty busy that week. I had more time on my hands, since I only practiced with the choir. But, since I was "going steady" with W.R., I skipped the dances and social gatherings. By doing so, I met another girl from northern Ohio who was also going steady. We spent most of our free time together and started a friendship that led to Greyhound Bus trips back and forth for both of us. C.F. on the other hand, found a boy friend that week. His name was G.M.B. We never double dated and I only mention this because 2 years later, C.F. and I traded boy friends. She went with W.R. for awhile and I dated G.M.B. In fact he became my first husband. But, I don't want to skip the two years before all of that.
C.F. and G.M.B. lived almost 50 miles apart. It was an, on again off again, kind of friendship. During the off agains, she was sometimes dating a guy named B.G. We did double date and those are some of my favorite memories. They were a lot alike in personality. By that, I mean always cheerful and always fun to be around. Even moody W.R. would cheer up and have fun when we were with them. It was C.F. and B.G. that got caught in the attic with us when we hid from the police at the haunted house. The four of us learned to ice skate on my Uncles farm pond. The four of us visited a small cavern where C.F. managed to get stuck in a tight space between rocks. I took pictures of B.G. when he managed to climb a tree during a picnic, then became afraid to climb down. Then there was the time B.G. got stuck between the marble column and wall of the Warren G. Harding memorial. Just going out to eat with them was fun. And since theirs was more of a friendship than girl friend/boy friend thing, going to movies was never embarrassing. Just a lot of laughing and loads of fun. (C.F. and I are still friends. I just talked to her on the phone Saturday.)
W.R. and I continued to date my sophomore and junior years. He was a football quarterback. (Despite the history of Rheumatic Fever) So, I went to football games. We went to school dances. But, he never liked to dance. I was still busy with 4-H and school musicals and plays and other activities. I was going steady, but it was not the most important thing in my life. Mostly because his moodiness was a problem for me. We broke up several times. The first time I broke up with him, he put a real guilt trip on me. He threw his ring away and told me his life was over. I was young and that scared me, and I agreed to try again. When he was a junior, he asked me to go to the Junior/Senior Prom. That should have been the end for me. He left me alone for the whole dance and spent the evening playing cards with the "singles" in the study hall. The other couple at our table were as embarrassed as I was, and the fellow went off and hauled W.R. back. But, he sulked and didn't dance a single dance with me. I can't give you a single good reason now why I stayed with him.
Except that each time I broke up with him, I found myself alone and left out of things. If you weren't part of a couple, you weren't invited to many activities. I probably didn't give it enough time, but no one else asked me out. My brother J told me much later (too late) that W.R. had something to do with that. Each time, I let myself be talked into going back with W.R. Then Dad had that bad accident when I was 16 and W.R. was so good to him. Both parents liked W.R. and he did have good qualities and he came from a family I liked and got along with. It was just that his moodiness was making me unhappy, and the longer I went with him, the more possessive he became. According to everyone, we were a couple and I felt trapped.
We'd been dating almost two years when he graduated. I'd never really dated anyone else. There had been some friends I'd run around with, mostly at fairs, during some of the breakups. Not really dates, just friends hanging out together. Enough for me to know that I would never be happy with W.R. I knew I didn't want to spend my future with him.
I tried to tell him that when he graduated. He had asked me to quit school and marry him. That was totally out of the question for me. No one in my family had ever quit school. I was not gong to be the first. That evening went very wrong when I refused to marry him. We argued and I wouldn't back down again. It was over and I wanted him to take me home. Today it would be called "date rape." Back then there were no words for it. He believed he could make me marry him if I became pregnant. He also told me that we had gone together so long that no one would believe we hadn't already been "doing it." I believed my parents and those who mattered would believe me. But, he was right, there were plenty of others who would always doubt. In 1962, I just couldn't face that.
He took me home thinking he'd won. But, I refused to see him again. I told Mom not to take his phone calls or let him in the house. I wanted her to ask why, but, she never did. I was lucky. I didn't get pregnant and I never went out with him again. I never told my family, but I did eventually confide in a couple of friends who helped me forgive myself.
I have debated long and hard with myself about telling this. I didn't want to. It has taken several days and many re-writes to get it down. BUT, it is important and I hope it will be of some good to the young people I care about. Because, even someone who you've known for years and trusted may not be who or what you think they are. "Raging Hormones" is not just an expression. Way back in centuries past, when people only lived 30 or 40 years, it was probably necessary for the proliferation of the species. Now it is a trap that will change your future. Even though I was lucky enough not to get pregnant, that isn't the only pit fall that will effect your life. What happens in your early years will be with you forever. You can survive. You can cope. Your can grow emotionally. Life can be good. But, you will never forget.
The main lesson I need to pass on to my loved young ones is this. Date rape (any rape) is better understood today and you don't have to handle it alone. If you can't avoid it, get help. GET HELP IMMEDIATELY. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.
I met him at a Basketball Tournament Game my freshman year. Basketball was "THE" sport in our county and our school usually had a great team. I'd gone to the tournament with my parents, but I sat with my classmates. W.R. was sitting in a row above us and started teasing me because I got so excited and when I stood up, I blocked his view.
Back at school, I discovered he was in one of my study halls. I'd never even noticed him before. Now, I'd been told I couldn't date till I was 15, so when he asked me out, I told him why I couldn't go. He wanted to know when I'd be 15 and I told him. April. He did wait and asked me again in mid April. Mom let me accept even though I wasn't actually 15 till the end of April. W.R. was that first date that Mom met with a shotgun and a growling dog.
W.R. was one year ahead of me in school, but he had missed a year of school due to Rheumatic Fever when he was younger. So he was two years older and he had his own car. He was an only child and he was a bit spoiled and a lot moody. I was more outgoing and too willing to accept and forgive.
Those first dates were doubles with my friend, C.S. and her boyfriend J.W. C.S. and I were in 4-H together. (She is the one I was with when I shot G.H. in the shoulder with the pellet gun.) We took our dates to some of the county fairs that summer. The guys both thought fairs meant what we called "the grounds" Where the rides and games and food were. To C.S. and I, the fair was the cattle barns and the show ring. That was unknown territory to them. (Fun, work and a lot cheaper place to hang out than the grounds.) Everything on our farm was new to W.R.. The farm and my rambunctious family must have been part of the initial attraction to this only child. He hung around on our farm as much as he dated me.
C.S. also lived on a farm near the edge of town. Across a pasture from a roller skating rink. Long before we were allowed to date boys, she and I had been getting off the school bus, grabbing our skates from her room and walking to the rink a couple times a week. I can't say that we were talented, but we could skate. So we also took our dates to the rink. Her date, J.W. got pretty good at it. W.R. never did and he was the kind who wouldn't do what he wasn't good at. Then, C.S. dropped out of 4-H soon after the double date skating ended. She had totally discovered boys, (As my Mom would say) and she and I drifted apart. We never fought or anything and we still got together occasionally, but I wasn't comfortable with her on dates anymore.
That was the summer our music teacher chose several of us to represent our school in a state wide concert. We got to live in dorm rooms and study on the O.S.U. campus for a week preparing for the concert. This included both chorus and orchestra. Since we were from a small school (just over 60 in my class) with music in common, the kids that went were all friends. One of my closest friends, C.K.F. was in both band and choir, so she was kept pretty busy that week. I had more time on my hands, since I only practiced with the choir. But, since I was "going steady" with W.R., I skipped the dances and social gatherings. By doing so, I met another girl from northern Ohio who was also going steady. We spent most of our free time together and started a friendship that led to Greyhound Bus trips back and forth for both of us. C.F. on the other hand, found a boy friend that week. His name was G.M.B. We never double dated and I only mention this because 2 years later, C.F. and I traded boy friends. She went with W.R. for awhile and I dated G.M.B. In fact he became my first husband. But, I don't want to skip the two years before all of that.
C.F. and G.M.B. lived almost 50 miles apart. It was an, on again off again, kind of friendship. During the off agains, she was sometimes dating a guy named B.G. We did double date and those are some of my favorite memories. They were a lot alike in personality. By that, I mean always cheerful and always fun to be around. Even moody W.R. would cheer up and have fun when we were with them. It was C.F. and B.G. that got caught in the attic with us when we hid from the police at the haunted house. The four of us learned to ice skate on my Uncles farm pond. The four of us visited a small cavern where C.F. managed to get stuck in a tight space between rocks. I took pictures of B.G. when he managed to climb a tree during a picnic, then became afraid to climb down. Then there was the time B.G. got stuck between the marble column and wall of the Warren G. Harding memorial. Just going out to eat with them was fun. And since theirs was more of a friendship than girl friend/boy friend thing, going to movies was never embarrassing. Just a lot of laughing and loads of fun. (C.F. and I are still friends. I just talked to her on the phone Saturday.)
W.R. and I continued to date my sophomore and junior years. He was a football quarterback. (Despite the history of Rheumatic Fever) So, I went to football games. We went to school dances. But, he never liked to dance. I was still busy with 4-H and school musicals and plays and other activities. I was going steady, but it was not the most important thing in my life. Mostly because his moodiness was a problem for me. We broke up several times. The first time I broke up with him, he put a real guilt trip on me. He threw his ring away and told me his life was over. I was young and that scared me, and I agreed to try again. When he was a junior, he asked me to go to the Junior/Senior Prom. That should have been the end for me. He left me alone for the whole dance and spent the evening playing cards with the "singles" in the study hall. The other couple at our table were as embarrassed as I was, and the fellow went off and hauled W.R. back. But, he sulked and didn't dance a single dance with me. I can't give you a single good reason now why I stayed with him.
Except that each time I broke up with him, I found myself alone and left out of things. If you weren't part of a couple, you weren't invited to many activities. I probably didn't give it enough time, but no one else asked me out. My brother J told me much later (too late) that W.R. had something to do with that. Each time, I let myself be talked into going back with W.R. Then Dad had that bad accident when I was 16 and W.R. was so good to him. Both parents liked W.R. and he did have good qualities and he came from a family I liked and got along with. It was just that his moodiness was making me unhappy, and the longer I went with him, the more possessive he became. According to everyone, we were a couple and I felt trapped.
We'd been dating almost two years when he graduated. I'd never really dated anyone else. There had been some friends I'd run around with, mostly at fairs, during some of the breakups. Not really dates, just friends hanging out together. Enough for me to know that I would never be happy with W.R. I knew I didn't want to spend my future with him.
I tried to tell him that when he graduated. He had asked me to quit school and marry him. That was totally out of the question for me. No one in my family had ever quit school. I was not gong to be the first. That evening went very wrong when I refused to marry him. We argued and I wouldn't back down again. It was over and I wanted him to take me home. Today it would be called "date rape." Back then there were no words for it. He believed he could make me marry him if I became pregnant. He also told me that we had gone together so long that no one would believe we hadn't already been "doing it." I believed my parents and those who mattered would believe me. But, he was right, there were plenty of others who would always doubt. In 1962, I just couldn't face that.
He took me home thinking he'd won. But, I refused to see him again. I told Mom not to take his phone calls or let him in the house. I wanted her to ask why, but, she never did. I was lucky. I didn't get pregnant and I never went out with him again. I never told my family, but I did eventually confide in a couple of friends who helped me forgive myself.
I have debated long and hard with myself about telling this. I didn't want to. It has taken several days and many re-writes to get it down. BUT, it is important and I hope it will be of some good to the young people I care about. Because, even someone who you've known for years and trusted may not be who or what you think they are. "Raging Hormones" is not just an expression. Way back in centuries past, when people only lived 30 or 40 years, it was probably necessary for the proliferation of the species. Now it is a trap that will change your future. Even though I was lucky enough not to get pregnant, that isn't the only pit fall that will effect your life. What happens in your early years will be with you forever. You can survive. You can cope. Your can grow emotionally. Life can be good. But, you will never forget.
The main lesson I need to pass on to my loved young ones is this. Date rape (any rape) is better understood today and you don't have to handle it alone. If you can't avoid it, get help. GET HELP IMMEDIATELY. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME.
posted by LeeAnn | 4:01 PM
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