After His Death
Suddenly, after days of limbo, Joe's body was released to us. We had talked and when the Funeral Home told us it might be possible to have an open casket, we told them to try. During the time of waiting and wondering we had realized that his death would be impossible to accept if no one actually saw that it really was Joe. I still hoped there had been some mistake. It was arranged that we could have a private viewing after they were ready, to decide if we wanted the casket open or not. When the call came, my Brother S wasn't with us and we couldn't reach him. The paper had already come out with calling hours and we couldn't wait. Mom didn't feel there was any way she could see the body before we said he looked ok. So, Dad and I went alone for that private viewing.
They had done a good job. Joe wore his beautiful black hair long, as many young men did at that time. It covered any damage and Dad and I agreed to leave the casket open. To help his friends and extended family accept his death. But we received a warning too. Another horror. We were told to remember what happens to frozen meat. When it thaws, water continues to seep out. Joe was wrapped in plastic under his clothes. It rustled when you touched him. And he would have to be watched closely, with the possibility of the room being cleared so they could "touch him up" during calling hours. That gave us pause, but they didn't think it would be necessary. Dad still wanted the open casket and I felt the same.
One other thing has to be told about that private viewing. Though it didn't sink into my conscious thought or sort itself out till some time later. It did surprise me at the time.
While my Father was still talking to the Funeral Director, I went across the room to a chair where I had to sit down. The Directors partner followed me to make sure I was ok or needed some water or if he could answer any questions. I told him I was grateful they could do so much to make Joe look good. He told me that the long hair and the fact that the small bullet had gone in the left temple (on the back side of the casket) and not exited made it easier. I questioned what the autopsy had done. And he told me there had been no autopsy. I made him repeat that. After all, hadn't we been told we had been waiting on the body because it had to thaw for the autopsy. He told me again that there had been no autopsy on Joe's body. Then before I could question him more, Dad was ready to leave and we had to go home and warn Mom of the plastic over Joe's seeping body. Could it get any worse? I didn't mention to my family what I'd learned. If it upset me, how much more confusing would it have been for Mom? I never even asked Dad if he knew. Even much later. All those trips to the sheriff's office, did he know? Were Dad and I blindly protecting each other? If they were able to accept the suicide, why put them through all the questions that kept haunting me? Bullet in the left temple......no autopsy. Something wasn't right. If you are committing suicide why would a right handed person shoot themselves in the left temple while sitting in the drivers seat of a vehicle?
They had done a good job. Joe wore his beautiful black hair long, as many young men did at that time. It covered any damage and Dad and I agreed to leave the casket open. To help his friends and extended family accept his death. But we received a warning too. Another horror. We were told to remember what happens to frozen meat. When it thaws, water continues to seep out. Joe was wrapped in plastic under his clothes. It rustled when you touched him. And he would have to be watched closely, with the possibility of the room being cleared so they could "touch him up" during calling hours. That gave us pause, but they didn't think it would be necessary. Dad still wanted the open casket and I felt the same.
One other thing has to be told about that private viewing. Though it didn't sink into my conscious thought or sort itself out till some time later. It did surprise me at the time.
While my Father was still talking to the Funeral Director, I went across the room to a chair where I had to sit down. The Directors partner followed me to make sure I was ok or needed some water or if he could answer any questions. I told him I was grateful they could do so much to make Joe look good. He told me that the long hair and the fact that the small bullet had gone in the left temple (on the back side of the casket) and not exited made it easier. I questioned what the autopsy had done. And he told me there had been no autopsy. I made him repeat that. After all, hadn't we been told we had been waiting on the body because it had to thaw for the autopsy. He told me again that there had been no autopsy on Joe's body. Then before I could question him more, Dad was ready to leave and we had to go home and warn Mom of the plastic over Joe's seeping body. Could it get any worse? I didn't mention to my family what I'd learned. If it upset me, how much more confusing would it have been for Mom? I never even asked Dad if he knew. Even much later. All those trips to the sheriff's office, did he know? Were Dad and I blindly protecting each other? If they were able to accept the suicide, why put them through all the questions that kept haunting me? Bullet in the left temple......no autopsy. Something wasn't right. If you are committing suicide why would a right handed person shoot themselves in the left temple while sitting in the drivers seat of a vehicle?
posted by LeeAnn | 11:05 AM
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