When I Was 58

It's just come to my attention that I never told this story on here. I've written it, and told it so many times I guess I thought I'd already put it here. This is what happened when a Grand Mother tried to keep up with the Grand Kids.

I was 58 years old. My youngest son lived a few blocks away with daughter, Leslie and son, Bryce. I live closer to the river then they do, and it was a rule when they were smaller that they couldn't go to the river without a grownup. I was working part time and usually home shortly after noon, and they often rode their bikes over to spend summer afternoons with me on the river.

One day when Leslie was 12 and Bryce was almost 10, they came over with their friend Amber. The river had been dredged a couple of summers before and it's shallow across from my house. It also has a lot of dredged up sharp stones. I made sure their shoes were river ready and off we went. We waded up river a ways and the water was only ankle to mid calf deep on me. Which put it no higher then the knees of the younger ones. We have a favorite tree that was blown down and hangs out partly submerged in the water, but is still in the shade. It's a perfect place to rest while you dangle your legs in the water and talk. Walking up river against a current is more exercise then you'd realize if you've never done it. The girls and I were enjoying the conversation, but Bryce got bored with our "girl talk." He asked permission to cross the spit of land behind us and explore the back water we all knew was there. A perfect place for frogs and little boy adventures. It was real close with just a few trees separating us. I gave permission and he was off like a shot. I yelled, "Stay out of the water, it's scummy." Soon he yelled to me that the water was gone and it was just muddy. Of course I yelled, "Stay out of the mud." Of course Bryce was already in the mud by then. And he started screaming, "Gram Lee, I'm sinking in quicksand." I knew there wasn't any quicksand over there, but I also remember the thick mud that use to suck me down when I had to feed the hogs.

We ran to his rescue. The girls were faster then I was and I yelled at the girls, "Stay out of the mud." Does anyone listen to Gram Lee? Stupid question, I know. The girls went into the mud to rescue Bryce. So when I caught up, I saw three kids stuck a lot deeper then I expected. It was almost funny. They'd sunk as deep as they were going to go. Arms were swinging and they were swaying. The little giggle that escaped me must have given them a clue that they weren't in any real danger. I pulled off my shoes and waded out. Being the oldest and heaviest and slowest, Les was the closest. When I reached her I was in thick sucking mud about 14 to 16 inches deep. She was almost as tall as I was. I pulled and pulled, and the suction would not let go. Then I realized the kids still had their shoes on and were trying not to lose them in the mud. I told Les to straighten out her foot and let the shoe slide off so we could get her legs free. The mud was so thick it didn't cave in on itself. I was able to reach down the hole to pull out her shoes. Or I could have if the mud would let go. Bryce had seen Leslie's success and he lifted his own legs out, without shoes. He had also gotten further out and the mud was wetter and he was able to pull his shoes out. He started playing with the suction by dancing around while holding his shoes. I told him to throw his shoes over on solid ground. Amber soon followed his example. Les and I were still trying to get one of her shoes out. But after watching the others, she abandoned me to join them in their salute to deep sticky, sucky mud. I struggled on to save her shoe. When that #*^&~ mud suction finally let loose of that #*^&~ shoe it came out with a sluuuurp all at one. I sat down hard. Now picture me stuck in mud 14-16 inches deep with my chin almost on my muddy knees and my fanny buried so deep I couldn't wiggle. I could not move. My hands were free, but I knew if I tried to use them to push myself up, I would be good and stuck. After laughing much too long, the kids waddled over to help me. After pulling and pushing and making a thick soup of the mud around me and laughing so hard they weren't much help, Bryce wanted to go back to the house and call 911.

Oh NO! I worked at the Hospital for 9 years, when our emergency squad was stationed there. Then the new fire station was built just a few blocks from us and they moved in there. I know most of those guys. (I was making them home made Hershey Cocoa Fudge every Christmas.) There was no way I wanted them to find me like that. If anyone had a video camera, the kids and I would have won the hundred thousand America's Funniest Video, hands down. I wouldn't let them give up and they finally got me back to my feet.

We headed back to the river to get some of the mud off. My darling Leslie put one shoe in the river while she rubbed mud off the other. I heard her squeal and looked up in time to see the shoe in the current and headed downstream. We spent 20 minutes trying to find that shoe. Finally we were lucky and found it caught on a rock. "That's it, enough, we're going home." a frustrated Gram Lee announced. We waded back down river to where we can cross the woods and reach the Dyke to the park and over to the house. But, when we got there, Bryce wanted to cross the river to the other side and show Amber the new park the city was building at the old stone quarry. By then I had calmed down enough to agree. (How is that grand kids can wrap you around their fingers and get you to agree to more then their parents ever could?)

To get to the new park, we have to climb a 25-30 foot high embankment. I've done it lots of times with the kids. But, that summer the neighborhood kids had made a path that was just stones and dirt with no bushes or saplings within reach left to hold on to, and it's steep! Leslie gets poison ivy just looking at it, so I insisted we stay on the path. Bryce and Amber went first and made it okay. Les was hesitating so I went next. I was almost to the top where I got hold of a sapling when Leslie let out a pitiful yelp and cried out that she was slipping. I turned to her and put out my left hand, which she grabbed. And, jerked me off my sapling anchor. The two of us tumbled all the way back down. She was on top of me three times, so I have to assume that I was on top of her at least three times. When I finally found myself on the bottom of the hill I was all tangled legs and arms with my grand daughter. I started to laugh, but quickly stopped when I realized it HURT. I asked Leslie how she was, she was still giggling, which I took to be a good sign. The other two kids were back down, dancing around us and bent over laughing. Once again, where was the video camera and the money. It took an effort for me to get up and this time I knew I'd had enough. I was in pain and Les was limping with a sprained ankle.

We waded back across the river, went through the trees, over the Dyke, and across the park, the street and home. Where my husband took one look at us and said, "You are not coming in this house, are you?" The kids got back on their bikes, but were stalling. They were afraid of what their parents would say when they saw them. Soooo, Gram Lee got her bike out. No Way was I getting in my car like that. I rode home with the kids so their parents wouldn't kill them. Can't you just see me? A 58 year old, covered in mud, my straw hat soggy and muddy and twisted in a weird shape and on my bike crossing High Street at the light with three muddy kids. My son and Amber's parents were laughing so hard at me they couldn't scold the kids. Then I had to ride back across High Street at the light all by myself. When I got back home, my husband was waiting. He still wouldn't let me in the house. I had to get out of those clothes on our back deck before he'd let me in so I could have my shower.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is how Gram Lee cracked a rib at the ripe old age of 58!!!!