It Didn't Work

I've given up trying to remember details of this period. Not only was it so long ago, I seem to have blocked a lot of it from my memory. Even the time frame is missing. It only took months (almost a year) and I can't piece it together. I only know now if I thought this marriage could work, I must have been blind. Or way more optimistic than I am now.

The problem wasn't G's hatred of his Army service. G wanted to be in control. He hated authority, and he didn't like to be tied down. When he went back to work, he hated the bosses. I didn't know how to handle his anger. I usually managed to make it worse and and he'd turn his anger on me.

Then at some point, G decided he wanted to be an Ohio Highway Patrolman. Probably not a good idea, (for the public) but I believed at the time, that if he liked his job, things would be easier for us.

He was accepted into the Academy. And he did brilliantly. Cadets had to live on campus and couldn't have their cars there. He didn't seem to mind their restrictions. Maybe because they were short term. I was getting official reports from his instructors about his being at the top of the class. He was happy and excited, and I believed things would work out. Then, during an afterhours basketball game, G's lung collapsed. They had to let him go. He'd had a collapsed lung during a baseball game once in Germany. It didn't get him out of the Army, which he would have welcomed. Now, he was being dismissed from something he really wanted. Not his fault, out of his control and nothing he could do about it. Things went from bad to worse.

He refused to go back to work in the factory. I'm not sure, but it seems there were several jobs that didn't work out, because he hated them. There was one horrid argument, when I met a part of myself I would never have believed existed. I'm not a violent person and I refuse to accept violence. But, I learned that night, that anyone can be pushed too far. I actually grabbed a large kitchen knife and wanted to hurt him. He'd gotten rough with me, not enough that I can say I was defending myself. But I sure turned the table on him. I never touched him with the blade, but he had to save himself. It scared him badly, (it scared me worse) and he got even. He immediately took me to his parents house and told them what I'd done. They talked to both of us, and I believe they were fair. His Father took him somewhere and talked to him while his Mother talked to me. Then they talked to both of us together. They handled the situation well. Except for my humiliation, I was glad for their intervention. And, they never mentioned it again. I've never forgotten it, and it scares me to know I could have ever meant to hurt anyone. I learned though, and I've never even come close to anything like that since. (Though there were several more times he deserved it.)

G finally got a job with a well known commercial bakery delivering bread to grocery stores. He had to leave home in the middle of the night to load his truck in a city about 34 minutes away. His route was our own area. He wouldn't get back home till late in the afternoon. This job gave him more independance and kept him away from his boss most of his work day. He seemed to be enjoying it, despite the long hours. I found him easier to live with.

It was during that period, that W.P. returned to our lives. This is the W who we double dated with my senior year when he was going with my friend P. We were the foursome who ran around in the convertable that killed the flying goose. W was still in the Army and had been stationed in St. Louis while we were in Germany. Now he was being sent to Germany and stopped to visit during his leave. The two men were getting drunk in our kitchen and sharing army stories and catching up. I got tired and bored and went off to bed. Later, there was a commotion that woke me up. It also woke J up. I went to get the baby and then discovered G and W had come to blows. With G getting the worst of it. W had left and G wouldn't say what it had been about. But, I learned that later. G had gotten drunk and told W how his army training had come in handy. He'd bragged that he could hit me without leaving a bruise on me. After the fight, W had gone home and told his parents and his Mother, R.P., made up her mind to contact me. They lived real close and she became like another Mother, just sort of adopting me and J. She and her husband let G know they were keeping an eye on me.

I can't remember how long G had been working the bread route when I got a phone call from his boss. I do remember the call came around 1 P.M. The boss wanted to know if G could come back to work to make a special run. It confused me because I thought G was already at work. I'd been feeling sorry for him for the long hours and now his boss was telling me he got off work before noon every day. He never came home till 3 P.M. or even later. That was how I discovered the truth.

When he finally came home and I confronted him, he told me he was in love with someone. He also said she was young and he felt responsible for her. I was 21 and the Mother of his son. She was 18 and pregnant. Even then, I didn't give up easy. I still didn't want a divorce. I phoned our Minister for counseling. He had known G since his early teens. He'd known me less than a year. It was the Minister/Counselor who told me to get out, now, before I had another child. He didn't believe G would be faithful to anyone. Still, I stalled awhile.

Then G took the decision away from me. He took off. He said the girl friend and I were driving him crazy. He emptied our bank account and took our car and told me he was going to the west coast to join the army buddy who had been front man in The Dudes. The rent was due and he expected me to move in with his parents till he decided which woman he wanted.

I phoned my parents and my brother S, helped me move back home.