My Mother-In-Laws Terrible Death
My wonderful, caring Mother-In-Law changed radically and suddenly. A depression like malady descended, in what seemed to me, out of nowhere. She had been so active and healthy and now she was worried and consumed with the idea that she had cancer. Her own Mother had died of colon cancer after a long battle, and during the last years of her life, had been passed between Ruth and her sisters each 6 months to be taken care of. Ruth kept telling me she didn't want us to have to take care of her like that. But, the Doctors couldn't find cancer. Her husband had her committed to a psychiatric hospital. I was just the Daughter-In-Law and none of my suggestions were listened to. When she was released from the hospital, she came home with too many prescriptions. Her daughters family was away at college. Ruth's sisters and a neighbor and I spent all the time we could with her. Some days she seemed more like herself, then she would slip back into confusion where we couldn't reach her. I took her on visits back to my own Mothers house. Ruth would talk to us and most of the visits went well. I would hope things would work out, but Mom and I were worried.
Ruth died in 1973, but I can't even remember what month it was. Sometime in the summer.
I was in the yard with my sons and our neighbor when W came home early from working 2nd shift. His Father had worked days and returned home to find a suicide note on the kitchen table. He didn't even go to her. He went across the street to get the young woman who had cared so much for Ruth. It was Janet who had to go into W's old room, that was now Ruths sewing room, and find Ruth on a couch with layers of a lightweight blue drycleaners plastig bag tied around her head and sucked into her throat, suffocating her. Janet tried to pull free the plastic, but knew it had been too late for hours. Ruth hadn't even struggled. She was on her back, peacefully, with her Bible on her chest and her arms crossed over it.
When the squad got there, it was Janet who had to be calmed. Her husband never went into the room. He called W and waited. It was all over and Ruth was gone before W came out to get me. All I ever knew was what Janet could tell me. We clung to each other, and the actions of Ruth's family baffeled us. W never talked to me about it and went right back to work after the funeral as if nothing had happened. There wasn't even an autopsy. Ruth had left a second suicide note on her husbands pillow. She knew the police would take the one on the table. This second note, actually a three page letter, told each of us she loved us and didn't want us to have to take care of her because she still believed she was dying of cancer. I never found out if she really had cancer, her family didn't care or seem to want to know. Again, as the Daughter-In-Law, I was ignored. I had so many questions and over the years they have just multiplied. Before lying down to die, Ruth had cleaned her whole house and even put out brand new towells in the bathroom. Her house was ready for the ones who would gather after the funeral to eat. Janet told me even the squad members couldn't believe she hadn't struggled. They had never seen anything like it. How can anyone calmly suffocate? But, worst to me was that only Janet, Ruth's sisters and I couldn't control our tears.
Possibly the worst reaction of all came from Ruths daughter. After the funeral when everyone gathered back at the house for a meal brought in by neighbors and Church Members, my sister-in-law and I were alone in Ruths kitchen trying to gather and organize food that Ruths sisters were carrying to the sunporch. Ruth had her own way of doing things and I was trying to honor her memory by following the way she always wanted things in her kitchen. Her daughter laughed at me, turned sarcastic and told me, "She's not here, we don't have to do it like that anymore." I was shocked, then angry, then crushed. I ran outside to my own Mother and just bawled. I never even tried to be polite to my sister-in-law after that. I avoided her. I pretty much avoided my father-in-law too. But, I did manage to be polite when I had to be around him.
As I write a draft on paper of this, I'm sitting in my car, in a pouring rain, just twenty feet or so from Ruths grave. The flower arrangement with the angel, that I put out last Memorial Day is still there. It still looks ok and I'll leave it. Her sisters are gone now too and I don't believe anyone but me still goes to her grave. Her husband is buried beside her. I didn't even push the leaves off of his side of the plaque. And, I still don't understand why or how she could have died like that.
Ruth died in 1973, but I can't even remember what month it was. Sometime in the summer.
I was in the yard with my sons and our neighbor when W came home early from working 2nd shift. His Father had worked days and returned home to find a suicide note on the kitchen table. He didn't even go to her. He went across the street to get the young woman who had cared so much for Ruth. It was Janet who had to go into W's old room, that was now Ruths sewing room, and find Ruth on a couch with layers of a lightweight blue drycleaners plastig bag tied around her head and sucked into her throat, suffocating her. Janet tried to pull free the plastic, but knew it had been too late for hours. Ruth hadn't even struggled. She was on her back, peacefully, with her Bible on her chest and her arms crossed over it.
When the squad got there, it was Janet who had to be calmed. Her husband never went into the room. He called W and waited. It was all over and Ruth was gone before W came out to get me. All I ever knew was what Janet could tell me. We clung to each other, and the actions of Ruth's family baffeled us. W never talked to me about it and went right back to work after the funeral as if nothing had happened. There wasn't even an autopsy. Ruth had left a second suicide note on her husbands pillow. She knew the police would take the one on the table. This second note, actually a three page letter, told each of us she loved us and didn't want us to have to take care of her because she still believed she was dying of cancer. I never found out if she really had cancer, her family didn't care or seem to want to know. Again, as the Daughter-In-Law, I was ignored. I had so many questions and over the years they have just multiplied. Before lying down to die, Ruth had cleaned her whole house and even put out brand new towells in the bathroom. Her house was ready for the ones who would gather after the funeral to eat. Janet told me even the squad members couldn't believe she hadn't struggled. They had never seen anything like it. How can anyone calmly suffocate? But, worst to me was that only Janet, Ruth's sisters and I couldn't control our tears.
Possibly the worst reaction of all came from Ruths daughter. After the funeral when everyone gathered back at the house for a meal brought in by neighbors and Church Members, my sister-in-law and I were alone in Ruths kitchen trying to gather and organize food that Ruths sisters were carrying to the sunporch. Ruth had her own way of doing things and I was trying to honor her memory by following the way she always wanted things in her kitchen. Her daughter laughed at me, turned sarcastic and told me, "She's not here, we don't have to do it like that anymore." I was shocked, then angry, then crushed. I ran outside to my own Mother and just bawled. I never even tried to be polite to my sister-in-law after that. I avoided her. I pretty much avoided my father-in-law too. But, I did manage to be polite when I had to be around him.
As I write a draft on paper of this, I'm sitting in my car, in a pouring rain, just twenty feet or so from Ruths grave. The flower arrangement with the angel, that I put out last Memorial Day is still there. It still looks ok and I'll leave it. Her sisters are gone now too and I don't believe anyone but me still goes to her grave. Her husband is buried beside her. I didn't even push the leaves off of his side of the plaque. And, I still don't understand why or how she could have died like that.
posted by LeeAnn | 3:08 PM
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